Living as a Person of Peace
We all face conflict constantly. Whether it’s marital clash, tense conversations with the kids, difficulties with a boss or co-worker, regardless of the nature of the conflict, we all need help finding consistent contentment in our lives. In this new series of blogs, The Search for Contentment, I will unpack some of the amazing insights the Bible has to say about conflict and relationships. This series will offer answers needed to change how you deal with relational conflict. And as usual, our model to look at is the amazing character of Jesus Christ.
CONTENTMENT NECESSITATES A HELPER
I’m sure most of us would love to overflow with kindness, love and a peaceable spirit through every conflict. But in our own strength, it’s practically impossible. On our own, we have too little love, too little humility, too little compassion and too little capacity for forgiveness. Real peace and contentment require a helper; an ally. That ally is Jesus Christ. What you can’t do to forgive another person, Jesus can through you. What you can’t do to cleanse your own heart from bitterness and self-righteousness, Jesus can through you. What you can’t forgive, Jesus can, through his strength within you.
In my experience, most relational conflict occurs when one or both parties have sinned against each other. Rather than kindness, there’s cruelty. Rather than building up, there’s tearing down. Rather than forgiveness, there’s bitterness. Rather than humility, there’s pride. In other words, sin. The good news is that Jesus is eager to bear the full cost of that sin and then turn around to give you the support and resources you need to restore peace with those around you. The Apostle Paul wrote this in Colossians 1:22…
"Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault."
Think about this: The strength and power of God that enabled Jesus to suffer, die, and resurrect is transferred to every follower of Jesus. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 6:6…
"We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love."
The same strength and power that made you blameless and holy before God also imparts to you the character of Jesus. So, if you belong to Jesus, don’t say you can’t forgive others. You have a God-given ability to resolve conflict!
TELL YOURSELF THE TRUTH
Peacemaker Ministries tells of Author, Brennan Manning and his story of addiction to alcohol. Manning entered a 28-day treatment program. Early on during group therapy, each person was, to tell the truth about the extent of their addiction. Manning relates the story of one guy named Max. In a group session, Max said, "I never drank that much." The group leader said, "Max, you're in an alcohol treatment center, you weren't sipping cokes." Max said, "I'm being honest…I've never really had all that much to drink."
However, the group leader had in his possession, signed affidavits with complete information about each person. So he put a speakerphone in the center of the circle, and said, "Max, I'm going to call the bartender close to your office and we'll just find out." So he called the bartender and asked the person on the phone, "Do you know Max So-and-So?" The guy says, "Like a brother! He stops in every day after work and has a minimum of six martinis. Man, this guy drinks like a fish! He's the best customer we have!"
The rest of the group all looked at Max. And now here's a moment of truth. Max tells the truth to himself. He says, "Yes, I've had a lot to drink." A little later on in the group, the leader asked everyone: "Have you ever hurt anybody while you were drunk?" Some people said, yes, and they described it. They get all the way around to Max, who says, "No, I would never hurt anybody. I’d never hurt my wife, I'd never hurt my kids." The leader says, "You know, Max, we don't believe you. We're going to call your wife." As soon as Max's wife starts talking on the speakerphone, Max starts breathing heavily. He knows something's coming that he’s been unwilling to face. The leader says, "Mrs. So-and-So, has Max ever mistreated anyone in the family when he was drunk?" And she said, "Yes he has. It happened just this last Christmas Eve. He took our 9-year-old daughter shopping on Christmas Eve, bought her a new pair of shoes. On the way home, our little girl was sitting in the front seat enjoying her new shoes and Max passed the bar and saw the cars of some of his buddies. He pulled in. It was a cold, wintry day, 12 degrees, with a below zero wind chill. Max left the car running and the heater blowing, and he said to our 9-year-old daughter, 'I'll be right back. You just play with your shoes; I'll be right back.' " The wife goes on to tell how Max started drinking with his buddies and didn't come out of the bar until hours later at midnight. By then the car had shut off, the doors had frozen shut so the daughter couldn't get herself out of the car. She was so badly frostbitten that her thumb and forefinger were amputated; her ears were so damaged by that she'll be deaf for the rest of her life. As the wife describes this to the group, Max falls off his chair and starts convulsing. He couldn't bear telling himself the truth about what he had done.
GOD'S DESIRE IS TO HEAL
Most relational failures cause desperately bad feelings. However, the human mind has the uncanny ability to compartmentalize failures rather than confronting them. If left alone, the guilt of wronging others only festers and convulses and causes more pain. If this describes you, remember this: Sin is why Jesus went to the cross. God’s desire is to heal. God offers lasting forgiveness. Let the cross of Jesus transform your heart. Real contentment and peace are found at the foot of the Cross. It’s where you find the power and strength to forgive your darkest sin. Invite Jesus to be your helper. He’s able to help you forgive yourself and others. He’s able to bring peace to your heart and mind as well as mend broken relationships.
IT KEEPS ON GIVING
If you have received peace through the forgiveness of Jesus, he calls you to be a peace-giver; to share his gift with others. Although words alone will sometimes be enough to bring about reconciliation with others, Jesus and his disciples taught that your most persuasive declaration is communicated by your actions of love, care, and compassion for others.
James, the brother of Jesus, wrote...
"What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?" (James 2:14-16)
The love that’s most persuasive to another person is not the love you talk about, but the love you show. Oh, and it's pretty easy to show love to those who love you. Anyone can do that! What marks you as a son or daughter of God is your love for a person who at the moment is acting as your enemy! Jesus said this in Matthew 5:43-47…
"You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbors and hate your enemy.' But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that?...If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that."
Living a life of a grace-giver who offers forgiveness and peacemaking will make you a reconciler in strained relationships. Rather than holding onto relationship sin, forgive yourself, love, and forgive those who hurt you, and humbly confess your own wrongs. When you do, you’re holding out the presence and power of Jesus as something very real in your life.
NEXT STEP
1. If you’re suffering from a lack of contentment from a broken relationship, the first step is to confront your own failures, relational shortcomings and sin. Ruthlessly deal with your contribution to relationship sin.
2. Ask Jesus to help you be a peacemaker. Demonstrate the presence and power of Jesus in your life by forgiving those who hurt you. It is the path to personal contentment.
